the

the

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Some people say that I'm a bloody idiot, but I'm not the only one. The beginning of the Alex Spencer and Friends Christmas event

As it felt correct for me to wear two parts of a three piece suit all day whilst reading a book about a father and son who own a sartorial proclivity for rags, it feels only proper that I should now write a blog entry paying homage to my love of food given that the aforementioned book was also fairly keen on detailing the fact that the same father and son duo are starving. 

Empathy, who needs it? Not androids, hey Sci Fi fans and followers of the early eighties film industry ..............I’m trying to appeal to your followers Alex, is it working?  I’m not great with pop culture references, sorry.  



Christmas, who needs it? Not turkeys. Oh yeah, and I’m back in the gastronomic joke telling game. Foodwise, Christmas perplexes me. Like most festivals, food is central to Christmas, yet I feel as though most of the things that we eat on Christmas day (at least in my family) are not as good as the food we eat on the days around Christmas. This presents me with a problem, given that Christmas day cannot be Christmas day without its central foods-- In the same way Catholics must perform their sacraments so as to enter heaven, it seems as though we must eat a central set of foods so as to have experienced a Christmas day. Thus over the next week or so, as Part of the Alex Spencer and Friends Christmas event,  I am going to try and find new ways to eat seven of Christmas Day’s  most important foods (whilst aiming to maintain their integral Christmasness), in what I am grandly calling Lunch & Dinner Made Me’s Seven (not entirely serious) Christmas Sacraments.  And here are the Seven Sacraments


  1. Sprouts
  2. Turkey
  3. Stuffing
  4. Christmas Pudding
  5. Rum Butter
  6. Pigs in Blankets
  7. Bread sauce

Wish me luck.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

Posmodernism: or the gastronomic logic of no puddings

So, young man, old lady, middle aged hermaphrodite-- you want a lot of food do you? But you want it for an amount of pence that could be considered a pittance? Of course you do, it’s what we all want stupid!  

What you need is an all you can eat buffet. Oh, I see you don’t understand.  Let me explain-- an all you can eat buffet is an eating situation where it is traditionally mandated that you must eat all that you can eat.  That is at least the traditional understanding of the contract one enters into when attending an all you can eat buffet. At the very least, it is expected in conformist all you can eat buffet going circles (they like to be known as buffeteers, or the obese) that there is the opportunity to eat all that one can eat-- occasionally individuals are excused eating all that they can eat for reasons of health, such as feeling a bit peaky, intestinal knack or non-specific throat and tummy gam. But even in these rare situations, the convention usually remains that at an all you can eat buffet, one can (and should be encouraged to) eat all that one can eat.

This is at least what I believed until I came across a new type of all you can eat buffet in Birmingham recently, one where you cannot eat all that you can eat. Don’t be fooled into to thinking that this was therefore but a mere buffet-- for none of the cultural signifiers attached to that institution were present(such as a wedding, a wake or (i assume) a bar mitzvah) , and instead the signifiers of the all you can eat buffet (such as large signs saying “ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET”) pervaded. It seems that the staff at The Kolkata Lounge in Stirchley (where this all you can eat buffet is held) have found an important and innovative new way for the all you can eat buffet. My understanding is that through purposefully withholding resolution to a meal by only providing enough puddings for roughly half of the diners, these gastronomic pioneers have contrived to deny their diners’ expectations of narrative (of which the traditional meal is undoubtedly one) conclusion and through doing this can be considered to be attempting to unsettle their diners’ entire ontological conceptions. For, if the traditional form of the all you can eat buffet is shown to be open to modification, then it can be asserted that all other apparently robust institutions are similarly open to alteration.

Alternatively it might be said that someone ballsed up and didn’t order enough of everything, but I don’t buy into such monolithic understandings of truth. The food up until the point of the dessert/denouement’s denial had been extremely decent for an all you can eat buffet, although limited to three main course dishes. The rice, crowded with whole cardamom and curry leaves, was especially good, and the chicken in the curries was nicely tender as were the seekh kebabs-- an item that in the past I’ve found to be often either very dry or very greasy. The limited range of curries were all of a good standard, though all tended towards the milder end of the Scoville spectrum, and the lack of choice was amplified by the fact that two of the curries were essentially the same but one had chicken added to it. It does seem that a rethink might be beneficial on this front, with maybe something like a madras added, and potentially a lamb dish-- both things that could be easily achieved given the excess of sundries taking up space on the buffet.  Anyway, up until the moment the ladoo ran out (we were the first people in the restaurant so it was not as though they’d experienced a rush previously) the overall level of cooking was good, a fact that I believe heightened the level of unsettlement experienced by diners and thus took the event beyond a stocking crisis and into the realm of a postmodern exercise of ontological fragmentation. As John Francois Lyotard might not have put it-- “they were playing at god dammed silly buggers, yet through doing so achieved a rethink of what we consider to be an all you can eat buffet”.    



   

Thursday, 28 October 2010

A new way to sell shellfish

Just a short post today, and I'm not really sure what I think of it, but it's certainly interesting. Let's just say that if you ever wanted to see crab vending machines click here.

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

St John Bread and Wine Review

      I had started to write a heartfelt paean to Fergus Henderson and his cooking, explaining exactly why I loved his cooking (I’d got so sickeningly far as describing my feelings as a gastrocrush), but then after reading a few other articles about Henderson I realised that, it almost goes without saying that Brits who like offal tend to get a bit moist around the glands (only the salivary, of course) at the very mention of him, and therefore there’s little more for me to say other than I think he’s super cool. So without further ado here is a fully biased review of St John Bread and Wine in Spitalfields.


     Last August I moved to Canada for a year (I won’t go into the various reasons as to why, but I will let it be known that logic didn’t play a huge part in my decision to go there), a fact that meant I would be away from my girlfriend (Natalie) for a dauntingly large wodge of time. Thus, just before I departed this verdant isle and with the inevitable symptoms of Future-Distance syndrome curdling our otherwise frugal minds, Natalie and I splashed out on a going away a meal at the original St John in Smithfield and whilst there, had some of the most brilliant food either of us has ever eaten. I particularly remember loving my starter of (a Henderson special) veal bone marrow on toast and also from what I had of it, Natalie’s main course of rabbit saddle and courgette seemed extremely good. Essentially we both had a very nice time. Anyway to cut a long story short, I am now back living in England and recently had a birthday. For said birthday, I received the lovely present of a meal voucher (basically my dad made a printout saying that he and my mum would pay for me to go and eat somewhere swanky) and with this money behind us (us being me and Natalie), we decided that the idea of a trip to Henderson’s less pricey (though still quite dear if we’re playing the looking at prices for comparable cooking elsewhere game) St John Bread and Wine sounded like good fun.

          We went on a Friday lunch time and the dining room-- which (like its older sibling) is decorated with  a stylised minimum of fuss, that actually probably belies a large amount of fuss, but a style of which I’m fond all the same-- was fairly well packed.  The next sentence I write, I’m going to hate myself for, but it has to be done. The menu at St John Bread and Wine works sort of like English tapas (bleaurgh, not to tapas, but for the lack of better words), in that you order a few smaller dishes to share. This works really quite well for the food served here, not least because there are probably only a limited number of people willing to gamble on a whole main course of pig stomach, whilst there are more than likely a decent number of adventurous souls willing to try just a chunk or two.

The menu changes daily and is available online a few hours before service (two facts that in the build up to our visit lead to the invention of the admittedly sad “what would you eat today” game, wherein Natalie and I would each look online to see what we’d want that day). When it came to choosing for real, we chose some oysters, a side salad, a dish of Ticklemore cheese and beetroot, some warm pigs head with mustard and radishes, and then finally a fried monkfish liver served with bittercress. Of these, I would say that the pigs head was the most successful dish, with the meat owning a delicious unctuous texture somewhere between flesh and fat that was stopped from becoming too rich by the sternness of the accompanying radishes and the mustard sauce. The Ticklemore cheese and beetroot was also an extremely successful plate of food that was sweet, milkily fresh and yet earthy all at once. I would also give the oysters an extremely high recommendation as they were salty, plump and Natalie (usually an oyster spurner) was so effusive in her praise as to say that they weren’t horrible. I would add though that, to my mind, the accompanying shallot vinegar was a little fierce and when added throttled some of the pleasure of the oysters. That being said, the vinegar was lovely when some of the excellent bread (that was replenished almost as soon as we ate it) was dipped into the vinegar. Alongside these successes there were also disappointments. The salad, although not a disappointment as such, was a puzzler. It consisted of purely chopped gem lettuce, vinaigrette and a small quantity of finely sliced onion. I feel as that this dish would have been good if ordered alongside one of the larger meat based dishes that, but with the vinaigrette and the onion, the salad tasted similar to the pigs head accompanying sauce, but with none of the fattiness of pork to raise the dish beyond a mustardy monotaste. Finally, I also think that it’s fair to say that monkfish liver needn’t really be eaten by anyone. If dry fishy tofu is your bag, then I’m sure you’d dig it, but otherwise I’d describe the whole plate of food as unnecessary.

For pudding there were more successes. I chose to have bullaces with sour cream ice cream, a dish that after a fairly rich main course was extremely welcome. The mouth furring acidity of the bullaces had been censored only a little by poaching in a sugar syrup, and the sour cream ice cream was at once slightly tart and slightly sweet (neither criticisms) and together the two components were refreshing, satisfying and completely delicious. I think if asked today, this pudding would more than likely be my death row dessert—I never knew gone off cream could taste so good. Natalie also really, really and I mean really, liked her pudding. This is some feet considering that after long years of training, my girlfriend has achieved a level of ability and sophistication in consuming sugar that is really quite astonishing. In fact, it has been rumoured that in the early noughties, the Swedish Academy considered introducing a new Nobel Prize for pudding eating, but on deliberation decided that it would be unwise given Natalie’s overarching superiority in the field, for on comparison with her, other pudding eaters would be rendered contemptible amateurs unworthy of being ranked alongside Natalie as a winner of the Nobel Prize for pudding eating. By which I of course mean Natalie knows when sweet things taste good, and at St John Bread and Wine, Natalie chose for dessert what she has said to be the nicest sweet thing that she has ever had. It was a seemingly simple and innocuous dish of honey and brandy ice cream that ended up producing such grins and sighs that I didn’t really know where to look. When I was eventually allowed a taste of the ice cream, it was admittedly wonderful. The ice cream was floral and dense from the honey, slightly boozy, festive, and sharp from the brandy and the texture, which for me was the really brilliant thing about it, was fluffy (not airy) and soft, though decidedly not melting.  It really was a fantastic dessert, but for me, given its floral sweetness, I could only eat it in small portions, and the freshness of my own dessert was more satisfying.

 Overall I’d say that St John Bread and Wine is a great restaurant, it offers a more informal option than the (still informal) original St John and also a more accessible menu (with the sharing plates) than the original. That having been said, it’s not really a matter of pitching the two against each other, but instead choosing one relevant to the occasion and as such I’d whole heartedly recommend St John Bread and Wine as a good quality place for an informal, though top quality lunch.                         
                                                                                                                                                
P.S. We drank the house white wine and Meantime Pilsner, both of which I would say were good drinks.  I  think the beer was slightly too hoppy for me for the style (if that makes sense) but was still a more than just nice beer. As to the wine I would venture that it was nicely balanced with a good bit of fruitiness, but beyond that I will not dare to speak.    

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Some thoughts about cheese on toast (and a blurred photograph)

With the onset of cold weather here in Birmingham leaving my mind generally on sustaining and reassuring foods, I had intended to post a few pictures of, and thoughts about, cheese on toast, but unfortunately circumstance has intervened. The circumstance in this instance being that I’m a bit of klutz and took some pictures that appear to be of bread shaped blurs.




 All I will say on the subject is that I like very deep slices of barely toasted white bread (so that the centre is still fairly well bread), something saucy and a bit fiery (along the lines of mustard, chutney, Worcestershire sauce or Tabasco) either on top of or underneath the cheese (this latter is my current favoured method for the sauce merges nicely with both the bread and the cheese), and a cheese strongly flavoured enough that it can stand its own against any sauce element and which is also quite soft (such as blue stilton or brie), as I find that these give a really nice crisp edge whilst maintaining a gooey centre.

In the coming days I will focus my thoughts about a recent meal that my girlfriend and I very much enjoyed at Fergus Henderson’s (the man with the pig bits below) Spitalfields restaurant-- St John Bread and Wine


The blogging equivalent of making my first white sauce (that is to say, a base from which to build)

Hi,

I guess everything has to begin somewhere, so here we go. On Sunday night it dawned on me that I wanted to write a food blog. In the general course of that evening I’d mentioned to my good buddy Sam that I’d enjoy becoming a food writer, a thought that I’d never verbalised before, but one that I suspect had been sloshing around in my cerebral juices for a while as it didn’t surprise me or him when I said it. With this in mind, during my night time pootle around some of the sites I regularly check (namely Orangette, and The English Can Cook), the realisation came to me that writing a blog could be an instant way to achieve all of the fun elements of being a food writer without any of the boring traditional bits such as getting experience and paying my dues. Consequently here we are (or at least I am for the time being).  In the future I plan to post all sorts of food related pieces on here, including recipes (both original and pilfered), reviews, and lots of pictures and links to other foody websites.
Anyway, bye for the time being, I thought I’d just get this thing started for now and wait until I have some food stuff that’s bloggable, which could well be later on today.

xx